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METRO DETROIT — Taylor Jones wasn’t sure how she would get through that first Christmas without her favorite aunt, Tricey, who had passed away from COVID-19 and lupus a few years ago.
“The holiday times, it was special with us,” Jones said.
Her death came just a year after Tricey’s son and Jones’ godbrother, Jay, died at age 17.
“It really took a bad toll on me,” Jones, 25, of Detroit said. “I was very depressed. I was very sad.”
It was recommended that Jones seek professional help.
“At first, I was opposed to it,” said Jones, who kept telling herself, “I’m OK.”
But she found Dr. LA Barlow, a clinical psychologist with the Detroit Medical Center, and soon began attending private therapy sessions every two weeks.
“At my first appointment, I cried in the waiting room,” said Jones, adding that Dr. Barlow saw her and came right over. “She said, ‘Just allow yourself to grieve.’ I was trying for so long to stay strong. When I got a chance to speak to someone, it made a difference in my life. The holidays are a bad time for depression. Dr. Barlow understood why I was so hysterical. I could tell that she cares.”
While the holiday season is filled with family get-togethers, gift giving, decorated Christmas trees and festive parties, it can also be a sad time for many people. Depression, loneliness, high expectations and financial stress are among the factors that can lead to the holiday blues. Some people miss family members who have died, or are far away from family and friends.
But instead of hiding from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day, there are steps people can take to make it through the holidays. Dr. Barlow, who also has an office in Southfield, encourages people to seek professional help if they are feeling depressed.
“Grief is big during the holidays for people because of the person they are missing,” Dr. Barlow said.
Keeping the memory of your loved one alive can help you mourn their loss.
“Start a new tradition to honor that person. They might not be here physically, but spiritually they are still here,” Dr. Barlow said. “Journaling is another way to express your feelings and what that person meant to you.”
And keep things in perspective.
“It’s all about perspectives,” Dr. Barlow said. “Maybe it’s not as bad.”
Jones and family members have a family brunch over the holidays in memory of Tricey and Jay. It rotates to a different home each year.
“I do things that make me feel happy,” Jones said. “I do things (my aunt) would like to do. It makes you feel better. This year, I’m not as sad as I was in previous years.”
If you’re going to be all alone during the holidays, Dr. Barlow suggests doing volunteer work at a soup kitchen or nonprofit organization, or connecting with people virtually.
“The holidays can be a stressful time for many people. The cooking, shopping, entertaining and cleaning,” said Agnes Ward, a licensed psychologist and the chief clinical officer with Macomb County Community Mental Health. “They’re rushing to fulfill demands or obligations, and stop seeing the joy in the holidays.”
Financial burdens also can dampen the holiday spirit.
“It can be a time for families who may be struggling with bills. People know they’ll be spending more money. There’s a lot of pressure for gifts,” Ward said.
If that is the case, speak up.
“Have a talk with family members about how much to spend,” Ward said. “Do a name draw so everyone just buys one gift or a nice dinner so the family will do something together.”
Ward said many people have lost loved ones in recent years because of COVID-19, which can bring on loneliness. If you know of someone who is alone or housebound, “check in with them, give them a call, send them a card or deliver a meal,” Ward said.
Macomb County Community Mental Health has a crisis line that is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Ward encourages anyone feeling down to call the number at (586) 307-9100.
Macomb County Community Mental Health also has a wide range of resources for the community who may need help financially or in other areas. For more information, visit mccmh.net or call (855) 99-MCCMH, which is (855) 996-2264.
